I don’t often have time to watch the news in the morning. And when I do, I regret it. Here's why.
I like to eat my Lucky Charms, grab a breakfast bar and go find some caffeine before I get to work. But the other morning I was actually ahead of schedule and not ten minutes behind like I usually am.
So I thought I would try this whole ‘being a responsible informed adult’ thing and watch CNN while I drink my disintegrating marshmallows without a spoon.
Within minutes I realize why it’s so easy to judge strangers. It’s mostly because they do stupid things like sleep with monkeys
or become too focused on the bubble wrap outside of an iPod.
Just a note- the pet owner explained that the chimp had met the victim on multiple occasions but didn’t recognize her because of her new haircut. Just as the man who almost got railed by the train forgot that he was on the subway platform.
In response I do have to defend their excuses though. I really can’t judge. Just last week when I was at the Bronx Zoo I did get quite upset when the new female zebra blatantly ignored me when just last month I fed her and had even taken a picture with her.
Also there have been times when I have been down in the subway and completely forgotten that there were trains around. I can’t tell you how many times I have been waiting to go downtown on the 4 train and gotten so caught up that I just assumed the subway was an intricate underground link of cigarette and soda shops. That train surprises me every time.
And yes, I am in a physically abusive relationship with sarcasm. It’s really a co-dependency struggle at this point.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Band Wagon
1. If I could go back and live my twenties in any decade it would be the 1960’s in the Village.
2. I am really into jazz.
3. I am scared of cats and large dogs.
4. I rarely have cash on me but when I do I need to have all the bills facing to the right and in order by monetary value.
5. I can’t leave my room without making my bed in the morning.
6. Sometimes I really think I’m slightly OCD.
7. I like to watch figure skating and enjoy when skaters fall down.
8. If a dog show is on, I’ll watch it and be on the edge of my seat the whole time.
9. The sound of the dishwasher relaxes me.
10. I had dreadlocks for a week.
11. In high school I used to dye my hair every two weeks (it’s been pink, red, purple, blue and jet black)
12. I can’t cook. At all. But I really like to grocery shop.
13. My favorite tea is Sleepy Time.
14. I can sign the alphabet and a couple phrases.
15. I can juggle three balls.
16. I like to clean but that doesn’t mean I clean as often as I should.
17. I firmly believe that you shouldn’t judge people on first impressions.Be fair- get to know someone and then judge them. You can hate them if you want to.
18. When I’m really, really fershnickered I think I can speak fluent Spanish, know all the moves to Beyonce’s ‘Single Ladies’ and fully analyze someone just by looking at them.
19. I wish I had blue eyes.
20. I’m writing a book.
21. I used to perform at poetry open mics in Boston but haven’t in New York even though I’ve been here since 2003.
22. I played the clarinet in 5th grade.
23. When traveling on Delta as a child, I thought the suitcase tags with ‘DL’ on them were just for my initials. I didn’t realize till much later that DL is for Delta. I know fly JetBlue.
24. I was born ten weeks premature and in an incubator for a month.
25. Napping is my favorite.
2. I am really into jazz.
3. I am scared of cats and large dogs.
4. I rarely have cash on me but when I do I need to have all the bills facing to the right and in order by monetary value.
5. I can’t leave my room without making my bed in the morning.
6. Sometimes I really think I’m slightly OCD.
7. I like to watch figure skating and enjoy when skaters fall down.
8. If a dog show is on, I’ll watch it and be on the edge of my seat the whole time.
9. The sound of the dishwasher relaxes me.
10. I had dreadlocks for a week.
11. In high school I used to dye my hair every two weeks (it’s been pink, red, purple, blue and jet black)
12. I can’t cook. At all. But I really like to grocery shop.
13. My favorite tea is Sleepy Time.
14. I can sign the alphabet and a couple phrases.
15. I can juggle three balls.
16. I like to clean but that doesn’t mean I clean as often as I should.
17. I firmly believe that you shouldn’t judge people on first impressions.Be fair- get to know someone and then judge them. You can hate them if you want to.
18. When I’m really, really fershnickered I think I can speak fluent Spanish, know all the moves to Beyonce’s ‘Single Ladies’ and fully analyze someone just by looking at them.
19. I wish I had blue eyes.
20. I’m writing a book.
21. I used to perform at poetry open mics in Boston but haven’t in New York even though I’ve been here since 2003.
22. I played the clarinet in 5th grade.
23. When traveling on Delta as a child, I thought the suitcase tags with ‘DL’ on them were just for my initials. I didn’t realize till much later that DL is for Delta. I know fly JetBlue.
24. I was born ten weeks premature and in an incubator for a month.
25. Napping is my favorite.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
KetchUp
I'm not going for a theme or any one direction for this first post.
So you can just go ahead and read.
Consider it like those random magazines they give you on airplanes and trains-
you really don't care what restaurants Julia Louis-Dreyfus went to the last time she took the Accela train to D.C.
but you'll read about her favs anyway because you're too laze to bend down and get your iPod out from under the seat in front of you.
I call this one In Flight Entertainment:
Whether I am walking in the door at 10 o’clock on a Tuesday night or spilling in at 6AM on a Sunday morning, please don’t ask if I am just getting home. Because clearly I’m not on optical illusion standing in front of you and actually making a sandwich in the kitchen. If I want to use your honey mustard that badly in my turkey on wheat, then I just will, and I won’t use magic or science to do it.
I’m really tired of people complaining while waiting in line at the most highly trafficking and shortest operationally running businesses. I’ve heard more compiled huffs and grunts in lines at the grocery store, post office, and Starbucks then the bathroom at an all-you-can-eat Indian buffet.
Sometimes when I’m in a really comfortable position on the couch or have a really heavy bone-crushing object on my lap (like my MacBook) and realize that I need to move in order to reach something, I try to move the object with my eyes. And when I say ‘sometimes’, I mean every night when I’m in bed and realize that I forgot to turn off the light. Those damn switches never flip when I tell them to.
I try not to pick an exercise station that is close by anyone else when I go to the gym. I always get paranoid if we end up watching the same channel on our personal television monitors. I don’t want them thinking that I’m trying to copy them—even though they probably do, since I am using the same exact machine they’re using.
Boys are simple and stupid. Girls are psychotic and sensitive.
Top times that I really don’t feel very smart, even though I had a 3.5 GPA in college:
1. when I fail at typing in a slanted word for security purposes.
2. when I forget if I need to go up or down to get to the lobby in my office building
3. when I repeatedly try to watch television, turn on a light or use the microwave when the electricity is out
Top times that I really feel very, very smart, like genius almost:
1. when I find a spelling or grammar mistake in anyone else’s email
2. when I can guess a surprise twist in something, whether it be movie, end of a book or end of a really boring story that a friend is telling
3. when I know whose on my caller I.D before I look (3 times out of five- it’s my mom)
You can check out my old blog if you want- I wrote most of the entries when I either hated my last job or was unemployed for three months, so the content is pretty amazing.
http://methusfar.blogspot.com/
So you can just go ahead and read.
Consider it like those random magazines they give you on airplanes and trains-
you really don't care what restaurants Julia Louis-Dreyfus went to the last time she took the Accela train to D.C.
but you'll read about her favs anyway because you're too laze to bend down and get your iPod out from under the seat in front of you.
I call this one In Flight Entertainment:
Whether I am walking in the door at 10 o’clock on a Tuesday night or spilling in at 6AM on a Sunday morning, please don’t ask if I am just getting home. Because clearly I’m not on optical illusion standing in front of you and actually making a sandwich in the kitchen. If I want to use your honey mustard that badly in my turkey on wheat, then I just will, and I won’t use magic or science to do it.
I’m really tired of people complaining while waiting in line at the most highly trafficking and shortest operationally running businesses. I’ve heard more compiled huffs and grunts in lines at the grocery store, post office, and Starbucks then the bathroom at an all-you-can-eat Indian buffet.
Sometimes when I’m in a really comfortable position on the couch or have a really heavy bone-crushing object on my lap (like my MacBook) and realize that I need to move in order to reach something, I try to move the object with my eyes. And when I say ‘sometimes’, I mean every night when I’m in bed and realize that I forgot to turn off the light. Those damn switches never flip when I tell them to.
I try not to pick an exercise station that is close by anyone else when I go to the gym. I always get paranoid if we end up watching the same channel on our personal television monitors. I don’t want them thinking that I’m trying to copy them—even though they probably do, since I am using the same exact machine they’re using.
Boys are simple and stupid. Girls are psychotic and sensitive.
Top times that I really don’t feel very smart, even though I had a 3.5 GPA in college:
1. when I fail at typing in a slanted word for security purposes.
2. when I forget if I need to go up or down to get to the lobby in my office building
3. when I repeatedly try to watch television, turn on a light or use the microwave when the electricity is out
Top times that I really feel very, very smart, like genius almost:
1. when I find a spelling or grammar mistake in anyone else’s email
2. when I can guess a surprise twist in something, whether it be movie, end of a book or end of a really boring story that a friend is telling
3. when I know whose on my caller I.D before I look (3 times out of five- it’s my mom)
You can check out my old blog if you want- I wrote most of the entries when I either hated my last job or was unemployed for three months, so the content is pretty amazing.
http://methusfar.blogspot.com/
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