KetchUp

I'm not going for a theme or any one direction for this first post.

So you can just go ahead and read.

Consider it like those random magazines they give you on airplanes and trains-
you really don't care what restaurants Julia Louis-Dreyfus went to the last time she took the Accela train to D.C.
but you'll read about her favs anyway because you're too laze to bend down and get your iPod out from under the seat in front of you.

I call this one In Flight Entertainment:

Whether I am walking in the door at 10 o’clock on a Tuesday night or spilling in at 6AM on a Sunday morning, please don’t ask if I am just getting home. Because clearly I’m not on optical illusion standing in front of you and actually making a sandwich in the kitchen. If I want to use your honey mustard that badly in my turkey on wheat, then I just will, and I won’t use magic or science to do it.

I’m really tired of people complaining while waiting in line at the most highly trafficking and shortest operationally running businesses. I’ve heard more compiled huffs and grunts in lines at the grocery store, post office, and Starbucks then the bathroom at an all-you-can-eat Indian buffet.

Sometimes when I’m in a really comfortable position on the couch or have a really heavy bone-crushing object on my lap (like my MacBook) and realize that I need to move in order to reach something, I try to move the object with my eyes. And when I say ‘sometimes’, I mean every night when I’m in bed and realize that I forgot to turn off the light. Those damn switches never flip when I tell them to.

I try not to pick an exercise station that is close by anyone else when I go to the gym. I always get paranoid if we end up watching the same channel on our personal television monitors. I don’t want them thinking that I’m trying to copy them—even though they probably do, since I am using the same exact machine they’re using.

Boys are simple and stupid. Girls are psychotic and sensitive.

Top times that I really don’t feel very smart, even though I had a 3.5 GPA in college:

1. when I fail at typing in a slanted word for security purposes.

2. when I forget if I need to go up or down to get to the lobby in my office building

3. when I repeatedly try to watch television, turn on a light or use the microwave when the electricity is out

Top times that I really feel very, very smart, like genius almost:

1. when I find a spelling or grammar mistake in anyone else’s email

2. when I can guess a surprise twist in something, whether it be movie, end of a book or end of a really boring story that a friend is telling

3. when I know whose on my caller I.D before I look (3 times out of five- it’s my mom)

You can check out my old blog if you want- I wrote most of the entries when I either hated my last job or was unemployed for three months, so the content is pretty amazing.

http://methusfar.blogspot.com/